so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
This house was built for laser tag.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
