a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
