But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
