we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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