trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
the day after is always just damage control
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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