Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
