Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Randomize
