I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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