My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
