tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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