There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Randomize
