So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Randomize
