i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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