I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
