the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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