so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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