She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
