billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
