would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
