where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
