Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
