booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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