It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
