Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
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