I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
