Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
