if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
