we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
