whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
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