When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
