I have demons in me.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
