physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize
