people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
