So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
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