I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
