Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
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