his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
