Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
