ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
