I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
