i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
