she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I'm at about main and main street
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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