duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
