Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
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