I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Randomize
