Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
