well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
