this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
