Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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