remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
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