I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
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