You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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