dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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